In which I become my mother.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/piercedavid/5436451728/sizes/m/in/photostream/

Sometimes I call my sister for the sole reason of telling her that I'm becoming Mom. She's the only one who can fully appreciate what this means and why it's so scary and bizarre.

Obviously becoming my mom isn't a completely bad thing. But what is scary is how much sense it makes. The things that I thought I'd never do because they drove me crazy when my mom did them suddenly seem like reasonable responses to certain situations. Even if I don't choose the same behavior as my mom did, it is still strange to me that I can now look at her choices and see why they made sense to her at the time.

Being the mother of four kids, its no surprise that my mom needed a cup of coffee to get her going most mornings. We lived within spitting distance of a Dunkin Donuts, so many days before she carpooled us and other kids to school, she'd drive up and make me get out and get her coffee for her. I remember her collecting a quarter, a nickel, and a dime from the gunked up minivan cupholder (because back then a small coffee cost 40 cents if you can believe that.) I was a shy kid, so going into a restaurant alone and talking to strangers was about my least favorite thing to do. But I had a script: "One small coffee with cream and sugar on the side." The Indians who owned the place (and later gave me my first job) usually already knew what I wanted and often had it ready before I got there (something about two older brothers coming in with the same request for years before me....), so at least they made it easy on my poor shy self.

At some point I came to mildly resent my mom's coffee addiction. We'd be running late some morning (and I hate running late) but it didn't matter--she needed her coffee and was going to get it. Later I remember telling myself that I never want to need something to get me going in the morning. So I casually avoided coffee as I began my adult life. Even after Ivy was born and I was sleep-deprived to the point of sometimes literal insanity, I never turned to coffee because I just didn't want to need it to function.

For some reason though, this year I started drinking coffee. Something strange clicked in me I think. It's like this thing that seemed so ho-hum for 20+ years suddenly became completely blissful and I can't get enough. I'm considering filing a lawsuit against CoffeeMate for putting some sort of addictive substance in their creamers, because, man, are they delicious! So I guess I don't drink it for the caffeine, but it is a nice side benefit. And it does (gulp) help me wake up in the mornings.

Ah! I am my mom!

Telling Ivy not to touch the hot rollers was the
 moment I realized I was no longer myself, but,
in fact, my mother. Also, this is a
"myspace" photo--aka, obviously self-taken
in front of a mirror and at the best possible angle.

Feeling Festive

I though I'd share my favorite Christmas song sung by my (former) favorite singer. Mariah Carey was my idol back in like sixth grade. I don't know when I lost interest, but I'm pretty sure once Glitter came out it was all over XD. But her Christmas music is timeless and she really has an incredible voice. I'm pretty sure I still have the cassette tape version of her Christmas album somewhere. Ah, memories. :) Anyway, here's "O Holy Night":

What I've Been Reading Lately

I'm reading Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen right now. Since there won't be any new Jane Austen novels coming out (and since Pride and Prejudice and Zombies doesn't count), I'm trying to space out my reading of her novels. There are only so many of her books to read in a lifetime and I don't want to waste them all in my twenties. :) "Well, just read them again," you might say. I wish I had the momentum to read books twice, but whenever I try, I lose interest pretty quickly. The first three Harry Potter novels are just about the only stories I've been able to sit down and read twice all the way through. Besides, I'll never get through the list of books I want to read if I start reading some of them over again.

Anyway, I just love Jane Austen. Here's one of my favorite excerpts from Northanger Abbey:

She went home very happy. The morning had answered all her hopes, and the evening of the following day was now the object of expectation, the future good. What gown and what head-dress she should wear on the occasion became her chief concern. She cannot be justified in it. Dress is at all times a frivolous distinction, and excessive solicitude about it often destroys its own aim. Catherine knew all this very well; her great aunt had read her a lecture on the subject only the Christmas before; and yet she lay awake ten minutes on Wednesday night debating between her spotted and her tamboured muslin, and nothing but the shortness of the time prevented her buying a new one for the evening. This would have been an error in judgment, great though not uncommon, from which one of the other sex rather than her own, a brother rather than a great aunt, might have warned her, for man only can be aware of the insensibility of man towards a new gown. It would be mortifying to the feelings of many ladies, could they be made to understand how little the heart of man is affected by what is costly or new in their attire; how little it is biased by the texture of their muslin, and how unsusceptible of peculiar tenderness towards the spotted, the sprigged, the mull, or the jackonet. Woman is fine for her own satisfaction alone. No man will admire her the more, no woman will like her the better for it. Neatness and fashion are enough for the former, and a something of shabbiness or impropriety will be most endearing to the latter. But not one of these grave reflections troubled the tranquillity of Catherine.

Her commentary of social interactions is so insightful and succinct. I laughed out loud reading this part because it is just so true, and I never would have thought to say it like that.

Some other books I've been reading lately:

Fuzzy Nation by John Scalzi....Chuck recommended this one to me. I'm not typically a science fiction fan, but this one was enjoyable. It's more philosophical than it is space aliens and light sabers. Though Chuck mislead me into thinking there was a love story (there's not) to get me to read it. The downside of someone knowing you so well, I guess. :)

Pioneer Woman: Black Heels to Tractor Wheels by Ree Drummond...This one IS a love story. And a really good one at that. And it actually happened which makes it even more fun to read. Probably my favorite read of 2011.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins...Ok, so everyone has read this. But it's Just. So. Good. I read through the whole series in a couple of weeks. I brought the books with me wherever I went just in case I'd get a moment to read. They are addicting.