Forgiveness does not come naturally to me. I'm sure most of you can relate to this. But I think I may even have a harder time than most (or perhaps I'm just surrounded by a lot of forgiving people, which is possible). I think that God gave me a sense of justice that not everyone else has. I have a hard time when people don't even have to acknowledge when they were wrong. When I watch that happen I just get so agitated. And I'm not just talking about people who have wronged me, I'm talking about anyone who has done wrong to anyone else. It just bugs me when justice doesn't prevail. Something inside of me screams 'this is not right!' I have to believe this is God's sense of justice inside me. Which I think is a good thing, when I don't let it get out of control. People with this sense of justice are the people in this world that make justice happen. And God help us if there isn't some bit of justice in this world.
So justice is my default setting. But you can't really live in this world without forgiveness. You can't have relationships with people or even live with yourself if you don't learn to let things go and even pay the price for what other people do. I'm learning to do this, and it's making me experience my faith in a whole new way. It's like I became a Christian--again. When I realize how much I've been forgiven for--everything I've done and ever will do--it feels completely disgusting to hold some petty thing against someone else. Really, you're going to hold onto that when God has forgiven you for (insert most recent shameful behavior)
? Seems pretty stupid. Because it is. In the heat of the moment, when I'm hurt and I want someone to acknowledge it and pay for it I have to remind myself that I am forgiven. And God has asked me to forgive. I have to remember, that if I was that person, with the same temperament and life experiences I would probably have made the same choice they did (even if it was wrong). I'm no better than the person who hurt me. I'm in need of God's grace just the same.
I think we'd all like to believe we're morally better than other people. And this might be true. but I don't believe it for myself. When I stop and consider walking in another person's shoes it forces me to realize that I may not be able to do any better of a job than they are doing. If I had grown up as a white person in the pre-Civil War era, would I have not kept slaves? I would like to think that I wouldn't have. But I cave into societal pressures all the time that are wrong, just because "it's what we do". I often don't even realize I'm doing it. So I don't think I'd do much better of a job than those slave owners. It disgusts me to admit that.
Thank God for grace though. Without it, we'd all be out of luck.
