"Quiet time"

At some point in time I stopped having a “quiet time”—you know, the time that us Christians are supposed to spend following our acronyms through prayer (ACTS—Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication—we learned it school, remember?). At some point, I’m not sure exactly when, I threw that idea in the trash—not just the acronym, but the whole “quiet time” business. Honestly, it was during a time of spiritual drought in my life. I was tired of doing the Christian thing. I was tired of the bullshit that American Christianity can sometimes be. I was tired of everyone around me claiming to be Christians, yet being the same as any other person walking down the street. I had spent a lifetime trying to follow what the Christians around me were doing and it wasn’t working. I lived under religious guilt for years—decades even. I was so determined to have a “quiet time” like all the other Christians around me were having and they seemed to be on course, so why wasn’t I? So I stopped. It wasn’t doing me any good anyway. I just felt empty and like there was something wrong with me—or God. Chuck and I are always talking about faith and God. We are constant doubters. I don’t’ mean doubting in a negative sense. I think that doubt is a necessary part of faith. If you never doubt what you believe, how is it faith? If you’re 100% sure about God 100% of the time, I don’t think there is room for faith. But mainly, I don’t believe you can believe in God 100% of the time. But anyway, that was a little tangent. Chuck and I were talking and I don’t remember the specific conversation, but through exploring certain ideas through him, I kind of came to the conclusion that if God made so many people who are all different from each other, then there is no reason why I should feel like my way of relating to him should look like everyone else’s. I am a completely unique being. Therefore, I can communicate with God in a completely unique way if I need to. So as I was coming back to faith, I didn’t bring my “quiet time” with me. I decided that God was bigger than quiet time.

And, really, I’ve never looked back. I don’t have a scheduled time to talk with Jesus and I don’t necessarily talk to him everyday. But I will tell you that I do talk to him, and its real, and its close, and its more heartfelt and meaningful than it has ever been. I can’t say it’ll always be this way, but that’s where I’m at right now. And it’s a heck of a lot better than where I was before.