Doubt

I wrote this bit a few months ago as I was sorting out my thoughts surrounding Bell-gate. So excuse the fact that parts sound a little out of date.

The last few years have been a time of a lot of spiritual growth for me. I'm not saying I'm some spiritual giant. In fact, I think the more you actually grow, the more humble you become because you realize how totally and completely screwed up you are. At any rate, I feel like I've grown more lately in a small amount of time compared to the rest of my life where change was incremental at best (or even backwards as I went away from intimacy with God rather than toward). I think a big reason for this is that I started doubting less. And part of why I was doubting less is that I had people in my life who let me doubt. I had friends who still loved me and wanted to be with me and who were still willing to call me a Christian even though I didn't have everything figured out. I wasn't feeling like Christianity had completely adequate answers to some of the big questions I had (why is there suffering? why doesn't the church look any different than any other organization?--or worse, in some cases--and does God even care that his own church has hurt me so much?). I had a place to be allowed to doubt (I felt comfortable doubting even the most basic tenants of Christianity). I can't speak for everyone that doubts, but I know that being accepted even if I was entertaining nontraditional thoughts about my faith went a huge way towards allowing me to lay down some of my uncertainties about Christianity and God. And you know what? I went back to a lot of what I was originally taught. So no one needs to be up in arms about me temporarily questioning some basic things about Christianity. Being safe to doubt it is why I'm able to say with more certainty that I do believe it. If my doubts had been met with argumentative people, it may have turned out differently.

If you read some Christian blogs you might have heard about a controversy surrounding Rob Bell. Basically the evangelical church flew into a frenzy at the thought that Rob Bell *might* be preaching a nontraditional perspective regarding heaven and hell. Influential people like John Piper wrote him off and basically said, "If you believe this [which since the book hadn't come out yet I wonder what he thinks *this* is] then you are no longer a Christian, and I am disconnecting any ties I had with you." It just kills me to see things like this happen. I understand that Rob Bell has a greater audience and influence than I do, but I think he should be treated the same. I think in many Christian circles it is believed that questioning is bad and a symptom of straying from the faith. This couldn't be more wrong! We need to let people question. We need to let them entertain thoughts that aren't typically "traditional." We need to feel safe talking about what is really going on inside us so that those things can be addressed in the open. Instead, people get trampled on when they think things outside the ordinary or question certain aspects about Christianity. And when you get shot down for the twentieth time when you're trying to express real things that are going on  in your heart, you eventually give up and decide that Christianity is not worth pursuing (at least that's what I imagine happens to a lot of people). I don't think I realized until writing this how lucky I am that I did have people who allowed me safety during my times of doubt. It's rare for sure.

I hate to see people labeled a heretic for thinking outside the box. Church history is riddled with stories of abuse towards people who think for themselves instead of blindly following the crowd. Martin Luther. Galileo Galieli.

If we know that Christianity is the truth, then why do we feel so threatened when people question aspects of it? If it is the truth, it should be able to withstand any attacks. Why do Christians feel the need to defend God, as if he can't do it himself? And why can't we trust each other? Why can't we trust that the Holy Spirit is going to work in the hearts of our brothers and sisters and is going to bring them to a true understanding of the Gospel (if that is their honest desire)? Why do we have to elbow our way into their particular journey and point out the flaws they have in their perception of God? (And why do we assume that when we see another believe something different about God that it is *them* who is wrong and not us? That our own perception needs to change, not theirs?)

I think what I'm trying to say is this: let's all try to go a bit easier on each other, eh?