I Hate Everything

I subscribe to a blog called 1000 Awesome Things. If you've never read it, I suggest you head over there. You can't leave that blog without feeling a bit uplifted.

I haven't read the entire list of awesome things that Neil Pasricha wrote, so I'm not sure if this one is mentioned (though I'd bet it is in some form or another). But something I have discovered that is just plain awesome is when you meet someone who just "gets" part of you (or when you realize someone you already know "gets" you in a way that you didn't know before).

Yesterday I took Ivy to the mall to browse and get some exercise, and we went into the bookstore. I happened to walk past this book called I Hate Everything by Matthew DiBendedetti. I just had to pick it up. I read the introduction which talked about what it's like to be a pessimist. I started laughing to myself as I read it because he had me pegged. I'm so used to feeling like people don't like my pessimism and that it's something I should change about myself. But reading even just a snippet of that book made me feel like there is another person in this world who can't help but look at the dark side of things--and maybe even revel in it sometimes. I walked out of that bookstore feeling like it was okay to be me. Like my pessimism wasn't just some mistake or character flaw, but that it's a legitimate way to exist in this world. Our society definitely encourages optimism (certainly not a bad thing), but I think sometimes it doesn't leave room for a realistic assessment of things.

I've been thinking a lot about pessimism and optimism in light of my faith. I think that most Christians circles value optimism as a more "godly" approach to the world--that we should all put on a happy face because, hey, "Jesus is Alive!" and, hey, "You're saved from eternal damnation!" But we don't give each other as much permission to say, "This just straight up sucks and I might never see the silver lining from it" And "Even if there is a silver lining, I don't think it's worth what I'm suffering and losing."

Basically I think God made optimists and pessimists for a reason. Pessimism isn't just some sad effect of the fall that us poor souls who are stricken with it must try to overcome. It's a legitimate way to look at the world. Optimists point us to God by reminding us of all the beauty and wonder and glory in this world. And pessimists point us to God by reminding us that it's all a shadow of what could and should be better. Yes, the stars are beautiful. Yes, friendship and love and family are beautiful. But, no, it's not what it could and should be. It's missing something. It's been marred by the Fall and it won't ever measure up to us pessimists until it is fully restored.



I have climbed highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like a fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the Kingdom Come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
But yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Oh my shame
You know I believe it

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for